Welcome to the world of work

My love has gotten a good "starter" job at a local nationwide discount chain. This will give him the opportunity to work on his English and get out amongst people. He is such a friendly, people person that it has been hard for him to wait for his Social Security and green cards so he could work.

That wait is finally over.

He is able to walk to work - it's only about a 10 minute walk from here. He has the type of job where he will be trained in what to do and will have possible advancement to other positions.

In the previous weeks we have been enjoying our apartment, cooking at home almost everyday and going to some of the local festivals. Here is a photo of him and a new friend he made from a local TV station at the Mudbug Madness festival which celebrates the crawfish.



So, life goes on....we are happy and just working and getting settled here in America.

He is here!

My love is finally here in America with me. He flew in last Wednesday, due in large part to the efforts of Senator David Vitter and Congressman Jim McCreary's offices. I am so grateful to the staff of these true public servants.

This past week has been busy and I continue to look over at him in disbelief that he is really here with me.

When I met him at the plane a friend of mine from work and her husband came along and we waved big American flags and had a nice little greeting for him.

My son and he hit if off right away and I am very grateful for that. He is happy for us all to spend time together and that is so important to my son right now.

My love has spent some time doing a few "honey-do's" around the apartment and has been cooking for me. It's nice to have good Serbian food waiting for me when I come home.

In a few weeks he should have his Social Security card and Green card, so then he can get a job. He is not the type to just sit home. Right now we are just enjoying each other's company.

Thank all of you who were sending good thoughts our way. I am very happy!

Whiny,whiny,whiny

Well............ My love is all ready for his interview for his visa to come here. Only now the embassy is not scheduling interviews as people keep trying to BURN the damn place down!

No, really. They say it will be a month before they schedule him. This is such bull. I had hoped that things would move along and he would be here by the end of the month of March. But that was before the embassy had to close early every time there is a demonstration and before they had to go down to a skeleton staff.

I wonder if the people who do this vandalism realize how they hurt their own people? I wonder if they realize that blaming America for their problems is not going to help them in any way whatsoever as the last time I looked, Serbia was ruled by Serbians, elected by Serbians?

The good people of Serbia deserve so much better than all of this turmoil. I am truly sorry for anything that my country is doing to prolong any suffering. But, when you boil it down, anything that is going on in Serbia today is the result of bad governing internally over many,many years. Only the people there can solve this.

I just want my love here with me.

I Found It!

I found a job! A very good one, in fact with a major department store here in Shreveport. There are several ladies working there from Eastern Europe and Russia and I am so excited to meet and speak with them all.

I sent in the papers on Friday to bring my love here. These are the final papers,so as long as the embassy remains open things should move along quickly now. I hope and pray that he will be here by the end of March.

He says things are calm now in Novi Sad and I am so glad. I have been so worried about his safety. I still am. Things can change in the blink of an eye.

I truly love these wonderful Serbian, Croatian, Bosnian, Albanian, Hungarian et al people that I have met there and pray daily for their safety and well being. I wish there was a way for this conflict to end and end permanently so that they could move on and prosper.

I will always treasure my time in their country and hope that when/if I return that I will find them all in good health and doing very well.

February Update

I'm still looking for that elusive job. I have all kinds of applications all over town in Shreveport and Bossier City. I pray that something opens up for me soon. I know the perfect job is out there, I just have to find it.

Things are tough here between my son and my ex. My ex says that my son is not helpful around the house and lies to him about his chores, etc. I want to help. I know it is hard for my ex to be full time mom and dad as well as work in his own business. I take my son on the weekends, but he goes to high school in Shreveport and I can't drive him back and forth on the weekdays and look for a job as well. Gas is anywhere from 2.80 to 3.00 a gallon and I can apply online for many jobs so that saves me a little.

The media is not helping with their gloom and doom reports on the news every night. They seem almost happy when the economic news is of a downturn in the markets or fewer jobs being created. After coming back from Serbia, I want to tell them what bad economic news really is.

I think this is typical of election years in the US. No matter what happens, we will have a new President. George Bush can't run again...he is out. That is the sure thing. The only questions now are which party will be in power in Congress and which party will the President belong to. The markets and employers are nervous, and the media wants to sell papers and advertising time by fanning the flames to make the story better...meaning more gloom and doom.

You know, the truth is, no matter who gets to be President or who runs Congress, the real power in the US is held in the beaucracies and those people are government employees who never leave...can't be fired, don't have to worry about layoffs like regular people. Others come and go, but they remain and they "write" laws through beaucratic policies and regulations, most of which are not subject to review or revision by anyone. The US will go on as it always has, these people have the power and they provide the continuity...for good or bad.

Update

Well, I haven't had any luck finding a good paying job in Longview, so I am now looking in my old hometown of Shreveport, LA.

Longview is such a great little town...friendly people, not a lot of traffic, clean, etc. Problem is, because it is a small town there is only one mall there and not many jobs available in the field I am interested in. Oh well.........

Please,guys, wish me luck! I am so ready to get to work and get my husband here to the US. It is so very hard to have a long distance relationship. I worry all of the time about him and he worries about me. I can't express the sadness, the loneliness and the misery of being away from him. We speak on the phone every few days, and we email constantly, but that is just enough to keep me from going completely nuts.

The only good in this is that I see my son now almost every weekend. He is my bright spot.

Greetings From Longview Texas

I am in Longview, TX now. I have been here for about 2 weeks. I am living with my parents...starting over. My husband is still in Novi Sad. We are waiting for papers from a former student of his who will co-sponsor him with me. I am also trying to find a job so that I can sponsor him.

I bought a little car and will be looking for an apartment for us soon. Everyone here has been very friendly and very helpful, so I feel good about making this our home.

It is nice to be close to my son. We have had two very nice weekend visits so far. He was at the airport to meet me, which was a surprise.

I spoke to my daughter, but have not seen her.

I miss my husband and my friends in Novi Sad. This is very hard. On the one hand, I know we can be happy in America. On the other hand, this is a slow process and I miss my husband terribly. I would not recommend to newlyweds that they be alone during the holidays.


I'm not sure what I will be doing for Christmas Eve. My parents will probably go to my ex's house to see my kids. I'm not invited. I may go to the local church here for Midnight Mass...I'm not sure. I know I will spend Christmas day with my parents, so that will be nice. My son will probably come spend a few days with me after Christmas.

Heading Home

This weekend I will be returning to American to get a job and an apartment and wait for my husband's visa to come through so he can join me.

There is something about this time of the year. Last year, I returned to America for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Hopefully, next year my husband and I will be together for Christmas. It is going to be hard to be without him.

I expect that this will be a challenge. I am going to live with my parents for a time. Just until I get a job, a little car, and an apartment. I plan to live in the Longview,Texas area.

Longview is a beautiful little town with plenty of retail stores where I can find work in management. When my husband comes, he should be able to find work as well.
We're also talking about opening a Martial Arts school.

We want to live and work in America and save money for our eventual retirement. We can't do that here. We hope to eventually return to the Novi Sad area. I would personally love to live in Čelarevo.

The political situation here continues to worsen. I haven't talked much about it because I frankly don't feel qualified to. I don't understand it. My American heart and soul rebells against what I hear and see on the news on a daily basis. It is incomprehensible to me how people can remain as leaders when they don't have the confidence and support of the people they are supposed to serve. Probably since they don't have to fear the ballot box, they can do as they please.

I love the people of this area, I only wish they had the opportunities and the life that they deserve. I'm sure some would say that I am being unfair, judgmental or imposing my "American ideals", but I have spoken to many people since I have come here and this is the impression they give me.

I appreciate the cyber-friends I have made since beginning this blog. When I get internet access, I will continue to update the blog with news. I will keep reading your blogs and hope that you read mine for as long as it interests you...

Please, wish us luck and if you pray, please pray for us.

A Ring and A Date

Our wedding is set for Oct. 28, 2007 - the day before my birthday. It's funny. Where I am from, people don't get married on Sunday. Here, it seems to be the busiest day.

We went last night and looked at rings. There is a street here in Novi Sad with jewelry stores one after another. Rings are priced together...the woman's and the man's.

We just walked down the street, going into each store in turn. We were looking for simple wedding bands and settled on one that is brushed with thin polished edges. I really like the ring and it's not too expensive. Some of the rings we looked at were over 300 Euro, which is quite out of our league - for that kind of money, I think there should be a diamond involved...haha.

We went to Novi Sad city hall after we got back from the American Consulate to turn in our papers to be married. The lady in the office there was very kind and efficient and got our papers in order and said that since this is an "international" marriage, I will receive a marriage certificate in English and in Serbian. I also must have someone there who is official to translate the ceremony for me. That's fine with me, I want to know what is said! This marriage will be legal in America.

She will perform the wedding. In Serbia, only civil marriages are recognized and they must be done in the city halls. The service takes 10 minutes, she said. There is a special room that the services are held in.

While we were in the city hall office, young couples came and went, scheduling their own weddings. When we were looking at rings, there were two other young couples doing the same thing. We kept running into them in the stores.

After the wedding, we will either come to our apartment for drinks, food and celebration or we may be able to rent a place in our building to hold this celebration. Depends on how much that will cost. There will be 12 of us altogether. In the meantime, I am doing some deep cleaning of our little place to be prepared.

Lots of people here have a church wedding after the civil ceremony. Since my love and I are both Catholics and this is the second marriage for each of us, we can't marry in the church. I don't want to get into all of that, but suffice it to say we are doing the best that we can with what we have. I feel blessed.

I spoke to my parents and both of my kids to let them know. It was very nice when I spoke to my daughter. I thought she would just hang up on me, but she didn't. We spoke for a few minutes. My love even said at one point, I laughed. I was so nervous and excited I don't remember much of what was said. It was very nice and again, I am grateful for answered prayers. There is still a long way to go, but at least there is a crack in the ice.

Quiet Sunday at Home

I'm staying home today....Nazis are marching in Novi Sad. Wow....what can I say?

I can't be smug. Back where I am from, the KKK used to march on occasion - all 10 to 20 of them. Most of us would drive by honking and give them the universal signal for a**holes. They were a joke, no power, just a holdover from a dismal past.

Nazis, on the other hand, are scary.

I DO know that a counter-demonstration is planned. Hopefully everything will stay peaceful.

1 Hour in America, 4 Hours in Belgrade

Our trip to Belgrade was fun. We left by train from Novi Sad at 8 and got in to Belgrade at a little after 9:30. Added on to the price of our train fare was 50 dinars for a little sticker affixed to our tickets for "Celebration of Children" week/month??? I don't know. No, it was not voluntary like that little box on the 1040 US tax form that you check to donate money for political parties. I figure some government official has a wife who dabbles in causes.

Anywho... We got to Belgrade and it was buzzing with activity. Lots of people walking and driving and heading everywhere fast. The part of Belgrade that I saw is like a mini-San Francisco. You walk uphill, you walk downhill. (My legs are still sore!) There were even functional trolley cars on the streets.

We had to head directly to the US Consulate. I had read that this place is considered US soil, so I was happy to be in the US for that hour.

I'm not a "my country - right or wrong" person, but I have to say that since I have been away from the US, I appreciate it so much more than I did. And, I have always loved my country. I miss it.

When we got to the Embassy, my fiancé was very hesitant about opening the door, he felt like we had to wait for someone to open it for us from the inside. I was like, let's go in! but, I deferred to him and soon someone came and opened the door to see what we wanted. As soon as I told him I was an American citizen and had an appointment he took my camera and my love's phone and got us through security quickly.

We sat in the waiting area of American Citizen's services with a couple of Americans, but mostly with people who were waiting to find out if they were going to get a Non-Immigrant visa to the US, for various reasons. I was a little irritated at the procedure that they used for these people. They call them by number to a little booth (like at a bank teller counter) and the consulate person is inside an enclosure and speaks to them through a microphone...forget privacy! The person who is requesting the visa doesn't have a microphone, thank God, but since some of the people spoke English, I could understand everything that was said. And for those that spoke only Serbian, the people in the waiting room could understand everything. I don't see why the microphone is needed.

When they called me, by name incidentally, there was no use of a microphone. The officer just spoke to me through the glass.
Now, why wouldn't that work for everyone???

Anyway, we got our business taken care of there, only had to wait about 45 min. and I got to read some old Newsweek magazines while I waited and had access to a clean bathroom with toilet paper and paper towels to dry my hands with. (You will not understand how much this meant to me unless you come here for a visit!)

As we left the Consulate, I stopped to take a picture of the outside, since it was the first time I had ever been to a Consulate or Embassy. As I snapped away, my fiancé was conversing with the guards out front. As we walked away, he told me that taking these pictures is forbidden, but when he told them I was a US Citizen, they said OK. OMG!

Afterwards, we had to go to the Ministry for Foreign Affairs (hmmm....how appropriate) to get our documents stamped and pay our tax (fee) and I had to sign a big book. Everyone was friendly and wished us the best.

Finally, we had finished all of the work we had to do. I had no clue where the mysterious Commissary was, so we just decided to walk around and see what we could see in the time we had left before our train left. About a block away was one of those buildings you read about when you read about Belgrade being bombed. I had never seen a picture, so here goes:

It was very disturbing to see those images, but I also realized clearly that it was meant to be a surgical strike. This building was a military headquarters. There were all sorts of civilian targets nearby (it is a busy main street after all), so if killing civilians was the idea, it could have been done on a massive scale. Again, I'm not political, I'm just saying it obviously was a target, not just a place to drop a bomb. And yes, it upset me and made me ashamed...OK?

We walked on down the street and found a gorgeous park with beautiful flowers all around and as our walk continued we found a lovely area with a fountain and a reflecting pool. Here's the park:

We made a large circle and came to a really impressive building set up on a hill. My fiancé called it Capital Hill, because this building is the setting for important government meetings and such. Here's me on the steps of this huge building:

And here's a shot of the building itself:

It was a warm and sunny day so the walk was nice. We stopped by a pekara (bakery) on the way back to the train station and got a yummy, flaky bread with cheese inside and walked down the street grazing on it.

I slept most of the way back on the train and we got home to Novi Sad at 3:30. We'll go to the City Hall in Novi Sad early next week and turn all of this paperwork in so we can get married.

UPDATE: I posted the photos from the trip to my Flickr account.

Kum's Chosen!

Well, our Kum's (best men) are chosen and our wedding will happen shortly. The next few weeks will be very busy for us.

First, we have to go to the Consulate in Belgrade to get some documents notarized so I will satisfy Serbian legal requirements in order to marry my love and have this be a legal marriage that will be recognized by the US as well.

Then we take those documents to City Hall in Novi Sad. A couple of days later, we will be free to set the date and marry.

This is all very exciting. It will be the first time I will go to Belgrade other than at the crack of dawn to catch a plane, or arriving at the airport at the end of an 18 hour plane ride. All I've seen of it so far is the airport and the highway!

The concept of Kum is very interesting. It's a little like what we in America call a best man, but it is so much more. This is what I have been told and gathered from the locals: The best man is someone who is there for you forever. Not just the day of the wedding. The best man can be a man or a woman and the bride has hers and the groom has his. (I found my Kum almost as soon as I got here, but my fiancé just decided on his this past week.) In the most ideal situations, your Kum is a friend you can depend on for life.

I have had people tell me stories of their Kum coming to the rescue in health emergencies and helping them celebrate their children's births and marriages. I haven't seen my Kuma (maid of honor) in probably 25 years and have only recently re-established contact by email with her. In America, people move around so much. My Kuma lives in Arizona now.

Please send us your good thoughts, OK?

Sunshine in the Rain

Today my son wrote me an email and told me that he wants to have a relationship with me again. He has been having a hard time adjusting...to school and to life with just his Dad, as his sister has moved out. He has had some problems and I have wanted to help, but couldn't.

This is one of the happiest days of my life. I didn't think he would ever speak to me again other than to tell me that he hated me. He sent me a picture of him and a song. He and I love music and he knows I like to listen to some of the same things he does.

My son and I have always been so close. Leaving him was the hardest thing of all. I'm not going to go into all the details. Just that my divorce has been hard on my kids and it is all my fault.

Dwelling on the guilt is something I do all of the time, and I really must let it go. Having him email me the past two days has done so much to help me that I can't really express it.

I look forward to the healing for him and for me. I feel like for the first time in many years, my prayers are being heard. This is not a religious blog, nor am I a religious person anymore, but I am grateful.

Homesick and more

Homesickness is rearing it's very ugly head right now. I miss my Mom and Dad. I miss my kids, even though I know if I was at home, they still wouldn't speak to me. I miss America and everyday life there. By early next year, I will be back, but for now....

The heat is not helping. It's been over 100F everyday for so long that it is hard to remember that week of cool temps and afternoon showers not so long ago. Evidently though, this is unusually hot for this time of year and this place. I don't know why that makes me feel a little better. It doesn't bring the temperature down any.

I am lonely. My love works, which is of course necessary and understandable. But, when he comes home I WANT TO TALK....about anything and nothing. But, this communication problem is always there. I am not a patient person. I get frustrated. His English speaking is ok, but his comprehension when I am talking to him is not so good. SO, he either nods and smiles (first clue that he doesn't understand) or he starts talking about something else before I have finished my thought and so the sirens and bells start going off in my head.

That's one thing I have noticed with a lot of people here. They talk over each other and don't seem to listen too well when others are talking. A culture thing, I guess.

And people here LOVE their TV. When we go and visit friends, the damn thing is usually on. When my love is at home, the TV is on. Needless to say, any talking is done during commercials - reklam.

When I was in America, I didn't care for the TV shows. I watched Netflix films mostly if the TV was on. But, it didn't get turned on until after supper and then was only on until the movie was over.

I am afraid, unsure and hoping this weather breaks soon for my mental health and well being.

Problems Back Home

I called my Dad for Father's Day and got some upsetting news. My Mom had another "mini-stroke" last week. These are times when she goes totally blank. Can't remember where she has been, what she has been doing. She had gone to the Gynecologist with my daughter and evidently "woke up" not knowing what had happened. She told me she had her doctor's new RX's in her purse and everything, but couldn't remember anything.

I wrote my daughter an email asking for more information. She was there, she could help me to understand what goes on when this happens. Since Mom doesn't want to worry me, she gives only the minimum of info, but I have received no answer, no acknowledgment of my email...nothing. The "freeze" continues.

My brother, having heard that I spoke to Mom and Dad DID send me an email telling me that he thinks this is Mom's reaction to stress. He says my Mom's regular doctor told her to get some psychiatric counseling. My Dad has had some health problems the last few years and she worries about that and one of her sisters with whom she had reconnected after many years died of breast cancer. And, of course....last but NOT LEAST - STRESS caused by ME. Great.

Everything bad that happens in my family from now on will, I suppose, be my fault.

I am very worried. I don't have the money to just fly home and visit and then return. Even if I did, it will mess up my proof of residency that I am establishing so that I can marry my fiance here and then return to America. I want to be closer to my family, things like this just reinforce that desire. I don't think it will matter to my kids, but I know it will to my parents.

So, I worry, feel guilty, and bask in the glow of the hate coming my way from my kids. And how is your day?

Stomach Virus From Hell

I've been out of it for two days and now my love is sick from some kind of stomach virus from hell. Luckily, our doctor has given his advice on what to do and what to take and I feel better today, at least I am out of bed and have showered.

My love just returned from work and is sleeping. I knew when he awoke last night and had to call on the porcelain telephone that this was not good. Now, it is my turn to care for him. He has been my lifeline that past few days.

Gotta go....

Working Hard For Me

It's been quite awhile since my last post. Things are much better. Upon reflection I see that I have been very hard to live with. Because of the circumstances with my kids, the dark cloud of depression has been following me around.

I know that my constant sadness, anger and tears would be hard for anyone to deal with, but especially for my love who is really a happy person. It seems to me that people here (at least the ones I have met) are very good at hiding any unpleasant emotions...at least around outsiders. I haven't been very good at doing that.

Last weekend things came to a head and we nearly broke up. It was really my fault. I was in the midst of a major "pity party" and I was looking to compound my misery. I was relentless in my aggressiveness towards my love, pushing him to tell me to leave, trying everything to make him say the things that would break my heart so that I could feel even worse...justified that I was a bad person who didn't deserve happiness or love anymore because of what I had "done"....it's complex, but I guess I felt like I need to be punished. No one can punish me better than I can punish myself.
Luckily, my love and I sat and talked and we were able to get through it. But, it was too close for comfort.
Afterwards, I spent some time in introspection and realized what was going on, what I was doing.

I am a strong person. I know that I can get through all of this stuff. I know what I want and I want this person in my life. I am not going to let others make my life miserable and I am not going to make myself miserable. I have done all I can do right now to make contact with my kids and if they don't want to forgive or have any contact with me...so be it. I can't change them, only time and their hearts can change. Beating myself up about it and trashing this relationship is not going to help anyone.

My old life is over and my new one is beginning. This is my future and I am glad for it. I feel so much better now because I have made these hard realizations about myself. I have suffered from depression in the past and that hell is NOT somewhere that I am willing to go again. I am in charge of my moods, my life and my future. I understand that now.

Culture Clash

I was reading another person's blog the other day about how some of the people in this part of the world get so loud when they speak to each other that it sounds as if they are arguing, even though they are not. That they have alot of passion in their lives and can get excited and overwrought when they speak.

I am seeing this in my own relationship. Our relationship is still fairly new. I am under some stress because since I left America to come here, my kids are angry and don't speak to me. This is hard, obviously.

And, I am sure that having me here in his small apartment 24/7 is stressful for my love. I know that the economic impact is a factor as well. We are not wealthy. Middle class is what I would say, maybe even lower middle class. I am not working at this time...can't speak the language. But, I am very frugal, happy with whatever we cook, and haven't spent a dinar on myself since I have known him.

Top that off with the fact that his English is self taught and he is still learning and that my Serbian is at the level of a 2 year old...if that good. Sometimes we just don't understand each other. Or, we think we do and boy are we wrong!

My love has lived on his own for a very long time. He is set in his ways. He is very impulsive and seems to have very little empathy for my very real sadness. He thinks I should be strong and tells me that everything will be OK. That may well be, but as a woman, sometimes a good cry is called for. His idea of life is to laugh and joke all of the time. I like laughing, too, but sometimes I can't find anything to laugh about.

When he takes the time to really listen to me, he gives me very good advice and makes me feel much better. It's just that often he'll just say "what is wrong now?" or, "why are you nervous?" Not exactly welcoming conversation starters.

Part of me knows that I need to just deal with my problems on my own and that I need to be strong for him and for me. And I am not the most patient of people. I get upset easily right now as well.

Part of me knows that he says things this way because those are the only words he knows to say and it really is not his fault that they sound harsh to me. I understand from trying to learn Serbian that when I learn a phrase I want to use it and don't really want to learn one that might be a little more fitting or finessed.
Maybe he learned "what is wrong now?" and didn't learn "I love you, baby...tell me what is wrong"... and saying someone is "nervous" seems to be the way they describe being under stress, which I am.

Anyway, when we get into an argument, disagreement, or misunderstanding he can be loud and angry towards me...at least it sounds that way. Maybe this is part of that passion in life stuff. I don't know. He is quick to anger, but also quick to forgive and recover when it is out of his system. I am not saying he would hurt me physically. Not at all. But, the emotional distress I feel is very real.

I have no one that I can talk to about this. Only you, and I don't think there really are any of "you" out there reading this. I am writing this blog for myself today.