Culture Clash

I was reading another person's blog the other day about how some of the people in this part of the world get so loud when they speak to each other that it sounds as if they are arguing, even though they are not. That they have alot of passion in their lives and can get excited and overwrought when they speak.

I am seeing this in my own relationship. Our relationship is still fairly new. I am under some stress because since I left America to come here, my kids are angry and don't speak to me. This is hard, obviously.

And, I am sure that having me here in his small apartment 24/7 is stressful for my love. I know that the economic impact is a factor as well. We are not wealthy. Middle class is what I would say, maybe even lower middle class. I am not working at this time...can't speak the language. But, I am very frugal, happy with whatever we cook, and haven't spent a dinar on myself since I have known him.

Top that off with the fact that his English is self taught and he is still learning and that my Serbian is at the level of a 2 year old...if that good. Sometimes we just don't understand each other. Or, we think we do and boy are we wrong!

My love has lived on his own for a very long time. He is set in his ways. He is very impulsive and seems to have very little empathy for my very real sadness. He thinks I should be strong and tells me that everything will be OK. That may well be, but as a woman, sometimes a good cry is called for. His idea of life is to laugh and joke all of the time. I like laughing, too, but sometimes I can't find anything to laugh about.

When he takes the time to really listen to me, he gives me very good advice and makes me feel much better. It's just that often he'll just say "what is wrong now?" or, "why are you nervous?" Not exactly welcoming conversation starters.

Part of me knows that I need to just deal with my problems on my own and that I need to be strong for him and for me. And I am not the most patient of people. I get upset easily right now as well.

Part of me knows that he says things this way because those are the only words he knows to say and it really is not his fault that they sound harsh to me. I understand from trying to learn Serbian that when I learn a phrase I want to use it and don't really want to learn one that might be a little more fitting or finessed.
Maybe he learned "what is wrong now?" and didn't learn "I love you, baby...tell me what is wrong"... and saying someone is "nervous" seems to be the way they describe being under stress, which I am.

Anyway, when we get into an argument, disagreement, or misunderstanding he can be loud and angry towards me...at least it sounds that way. Maybe this is part of that passion in life stuff. I don't know. He is quick to anger, but also quick to forgive and recover when it is out of his system. I am not saying he would hurt me physically. Not at all. But, the emotional distress I feel is very real.

I have no one that I can talk to about this. Only you, and I don't think there really are any of "you" out there reading this. I am writing this blog for myself today.