Culture Clash

I was reading another person's blog the other day about how some of the people in this part of the world get so loud when they speak to each other that it sounds as if they are arguing, even though they are not. That they have alot of passion in their lives and can get excited and overwrought when they speak.

I am seeing this in my own relationship. Our relationship is still fairly new. I am under some stress because since I left America to come here, my kids are angry and don't speak to me. This is hard, obviously.

And, I am sure that having me here in his small apartment 24/7 is stressful for my love. I know that the economic impact is a factor as well. We are not wealthy. Middle class is what I would say, maybe even lower middle class. I am not working at this time...can't speak the language. But, I am very frugal, happy with whatever we cook, and haven't spent a dinar on myself since I have known him.

Top that off with the fact that his English is self taught and he is still learning and that my Serbian is at the level of a 2 year old...if that good. Sometimes we just don't understand each other. Or, we think we do and boy are we wrong!

My love has lived on his own for a very long time. He is set in his ways. He is very impulsive and seems to have very little empathy for my very real sadness. He thinks I should be strong and tells me that everything will be OK. That may well be, but as a woman, sometimes a good cry is called for. His idea of life is to laugh and joke all of the time. I like laughing, too, but sometimes I can't find anything to laugh about.

When he takes the time to really listen to me, he gives me very good advice and makes me feel much better. It's just that often he'll just say "what is wrong now?" or, "why are you nervous?" Not exactly welcoming conversation starters.

Part of me knows that I need to just deal with my problems on my own and that I need to be strong for him and for me. And I am not the most patient of people. I get upset easily right now as well.

Part of me knows that he says things this way because those are the only words he knows to say and it really is not his fault that they sound harsh to me. I understand from trying to learn Serbian that when I learn a phrase I want to use it and don't really want to learn one that might be a little more fitting or finessed.
Maybe he learned "what is wrong now?" and didn't learn "I love you, baby...tell me what is wrong"... and saying someone is "nervous" seems to be the way they describe being under stress, which I am.

Anyway, when we get into an argument, disagreement, or misunderstanding he can be loud and angry towards me...at least it sounds that way. Maybe this is part of that passion in life stuff. I don't know. He is quick to anger, but also quick to forgive and recover when it is out of his system. I am not saying he would hurt me physically. Not at all. But, the emotional distress I feel is very real.

I have no one that I can talk to about this. Only you, and I don't think there really are any of "you" out there reading this. I am writing this blog for myself today.

Easter Celebrations

This year both Catholic and Orthodox celebrated Easter on the same day. The way that my love and his family and friends celebrated Easter was very lovely:

We prepared the traditional Easter breakfast meal this year to be eaten at the home of his daughter and her family who live in the same building that we do. Because the shops are closed on Sunday...all of them, evidently..we had to buy everything we would need until Monday. That meant extra bread and bottled water (which we usually buy daily)and anything we would need for the breakfast and lunch on Sunday. This is kind of hard to do when you usually just run out and get things as you need them.

On Saturday night, we cooked (boiled) a beautifully lean smoked ham with some sausages and also some boiled eggs in with this (for added flavor - the eggs that is). I made some American style deviled eggs for them to taste as well. We also boiled some eggs to dye and decorate for his grandchildren...just as we do in America. There was alot of activity that night...many cooking pots going at once, his daughter coming by to bring us some vinegar for the egg dyeing and to look at what my love had bought for the children's Easter...it was fun.

Sunday morning we called friends and family to wish them a Happy Easter and to proclaim "Christ is Risen!". Then, we took all of the food downstairs to his daughter's apartment and ate with them. Bread, salad, the meat, eggs, vino, pivo...food was plentiful and very good. His daughter provided two delicious cakes for desert.

The children had lots of chocolate and candy in their baskets, just like in America. It is now almost a week later and they still have chocolate..hahahha.

The eldest grandson made me a little egg holder at school and presented me with a very pretty egg to save until next year. As long as the egg does not get damaged, it is kept out in the home for "good luck".

After breakfast and a very nice visit (both his daughter and son-in-law speak English), we came back to our apartment to rest and prepare lunch. Our plan was to go back downstairs and eat with them. However, the doorbell began to ring and eventually we had 6 guests arrive! All were family and friends and we sat and laughed and joked and drank a little vino. I didn't think that many people could fit in our little attic apartment space, but they did and it was very nice.

One thing they do here is everyone gets a boiled egg and you tap your egg (top or bottom) against another person's egg (top or bottom)...if yours cracks, you lose and the other person taps the next person's egg...and on it goes. So, here we were, all adults doing this...it was funny.

Everyone left after a few hours and we went on downstairs and ate what we had prepared for lunch and visited a little while. Then we came home and watched a little TV before calling it a day.

Overall, a very relaxing, family oriented day.